Now now, it’s not that I don’t wan to blog anymore.
It’s jus tat it’s so goddamn hard to load the page for me to write my new post.
And it takes so long to load my pictures and to add my many smileys.
It’s either the connection is killing it or there’s problem wit Xanga.

So I would like you guys, my readers, if there is any left, to tell me.
Is it hard for you guys to load my page?
Does it takes such a long time that you can’t be bother to wait?
Cause I get so annoyed when I visit other Xanga blogs.

So I’m considering to change to another blog host.
Kinda lazy and it’s really upsetting cause I’ve upgraded my blog to the Xanga For Life program.
So what do you guys think?
Should I move or not?

And on another note, Happy New Year and Happy Chinese New Year to you guys.
All the best wishes to you guys.
Hv a good yr ahead.

(p.s: I’m not even going to bother to change my font colours or to add smileys cause it takes like hours for the pop-up to even pop up. : (  )

. Much Love All .

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didn’t know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try
Wipe the tears from my eyes

I’m beautifully broken
And I don’t mind if you know it
I’m beautifully broken
And I don’t care if I show it

Everyday is a new day
I’m reminded of my past
Everytime there’s another storm
I know that it won’t last
Every moment I’m filled with hope ’cause I get another chance
But I will try
I will try

I’m beautifully broken
And I don’t mind if you know it
I’m beautifully broken
And I don’t care if I show it

Got nothing
Left to hide
Without the highs and the lows
Where would we go
Where would we go

-Lyrics by A.Simpson-

. Much Love All.

And a Happy New Year.
All the best wishes to all of you guys out there.
I noe my blog is like dead but it’s not dead jus yet.
Jus been busy as usual.

So for the new year coming, I shall post and update more often.
And hopefully it’ll be a better year ahead.
Gotta start doing what I say I will. Hehe.
Anyhoos, you guys hv a jolly good time alright?

Till then, MUCH LOVE.

And I will keep on fighting to live.

you are not fucking here.

what should I think and feel now.

. Much Love All .

because in Life, the only one you can fully trust is yourself.

so in the end, I guess we are all alone.

deep inside, I am all Alone.

Are you?

. Much Love All .

People say many things.
People think many ways.
People expect many things.
But people certainly did not expect ‘us’.

What happened between us is sudden.
Even we did not expect it to happen.
And we fell for each other so deep, so fast.
I guess third time is a charm.

It’s been a year now.
His longest, my deepest, our happiest.

I’ve seen your face a thousand times
Have all your stories memorized
I’ve kissed your lips a million ways
But I still love to have you around

I’ve held you too many times to count
I think I know you inside out
And we’re together most days
But I still love to have you around

You’re a salty water ocean wave
You knock me down, you kiss my face
I know the storms will always come
But I still love to have you around

Heaven knows what will come next
So emotional, you’re so complex
A rollercoaster built to crash
But I still love to have you around

Don’t go away
My love
I want you to stay
In my life
Don’t go away
My love
I need you, you’re my love supply

It’s you there when I close my eyes
And you in the morning
I never thought you’d still be mine
Oh I really need to have you around

You’re the one I want and it’s not just phase
You’re the one I trust, our love is the real thing

-g.stefani – the real thing-

And so they say that we wouldn’t last.

p.s: wrote this post long time ago, had trouble wit Xanga therefore the last posting.

. Much Love All .

So I’m in pain.
Crazy ass pain.
Cause I’m starving and the wounds are healing.
Them painkillers are of no help.

On Monday, I took out 3 frigging wisdom-big-ass-tooth.
Nope they didn’t put me to sleep, just local anesthetic.
Where did I get the balls to do this one shot?
God knows, seeing that I’m terrified of dentist and the whole works.

See the pain makes me unable to talk properly and of course my face is swollen.
The worst part other than the pain is not being able to eat.
Jus liquid and I even had to eat blended porridge.
Sounds bad? Imaging having to eat/drink it.

I love food and I love to eat.
And I can never be a anorexic.
Even though I love how flat my tummy is now.
It’s like having abs but I rather get proper abs from exercising rather than starving.

I’d like to have those so called ‘abs’ permenantly.

Not through starving but from working out.

Crossroads.
Yet another dilemma.
Life hasn’t been treating me well lately.
Everything is gettin out of hand and nothing is goin right.

Am I asking too much of life?
Or is life asking too much of me?
Either way, I’m tired.
So tired I’m about to give up.

She should be so happy, cause she is so lucky.
But can anybody out there hear her screaming for help?
To save her from this hell.
Cause she is losing her way, losing her way.

Sometimes I wish I can act like a boy.

. Much Love All .

an Angel was sent back to Heaven, to be by God’s side.
Her name is Susan Fielder, my second-cousin.
She was taken away at the tender age of 26.
No one understood why.

Susan is always happy, smiling, laughing and terribly cheeky.
The naughty one of the Fielder twins.
Samantha on the other hand is more quiet, shy and the responsible one.
For 26 years of their life they’ve been inseparable until now.

It’s been awhile since my family and I last visited them at London.
Still remember how we always like to surprise them at the doorstep of their house when we fly over to London during our school holidays.
I’ve always love to visit them and be at their house.
Somehow I always feel really comfortable like I’m in my own house whenever we are there but it felt different this time around.

Even though the house is still the same, the furniture is still the same, the smell is still the same but something is missing.
It used to be two of the Fielder twins running down happily to greet us, hug us and kiss us, this time only Sam came running down and instead of smiling, she was tearing.

Stepping into the house was difficult for me.
For I do not get to see and feel Sue anymore.
For I can only see tears instead of smiles.
For it feels different cause I cannot hear Sue’s laughter in the house anymore.

I didn’t know how I should feel.
I didn’t know what to say to console Sam and both my UncleGeorge and AuntyChris.
I didn’t understand why such a terrible thing happened to someone who is so terribly loved and such a good and kind person.
I am ashamed for I was angry at God for taking her away.

We then begin preparing for her funeral.
And along the whole process, we slowly see why God took her away from us.
There really isn’t a good reason as to why she was taken away so sudden and quick.
There isn’t a reason for us to grief in pain as well but ten thousand reasons to celebrate her life.

For she brought relatives and close friends from all over the world and even long-lost friends from high school and college as well as university to have a huge gathering and gave a chance for everyone to catch up on each other’s life and to talk about how great she was, I’m sure she was smiling in Heaven the entire time.
For she didn’t want to and chose not to work during holidays and chose to travel around the world and met so many friends along the way and had such great time and is probably really happy that God took her to Heaven and did not have to work in her lifetime.

For she is such a terribly wonderful and joyful person and has brighten up so many of her friend’s life with positivity and her endless cheekiness and have become a popular celebrity in her own term cause she knows so many people and all of them love what a great person she is.
For she have lived her life the way she wanted and both Sam and I agree that we don’t think there’s anything that she regretted not doing and have lived a truly fulfilling life.

We should celebrate her life most of all because even though she was taken away from us, she gave at least 5 people the chance to live. 
Her heart was donated to a 13-year-old.
Her lung was donated to a 12-year-old.
Her liver was donated to a young man who just becomes a father.
Her kidneys, pancreas and lungs are donated to help others as well.

She had something like a brain-stroke, which doctor’s believe to be an inborn defect.
There weren’t any signs and it hit her while she was on holiday in Wales with her current boyfriend.
Sam and her parents rushed to Wales to see her but they didn’t get to talk to her as her condition was really bad and is in a coma-state.
I didn’t get to see her for the last time as she left us while my family and I are transiting in Bahrain.

I no longer question God’s purpose of taking her away from us at such a young age.
I no longer grief in pain and sorrow.
I’ve learnt to smile while reminiscing our times together.
I can now smile and tell people the story of an Angel that I knew.

The Fielder Twins.

Sam and Sue.

She is an Angel for she was such a wonderful human being.
She is an Angel for she brought nothing but joy to other people’s life.
She is an Angel for she is loved by many and so dear to many.
She is an Angel for she gave life to others while hers ended.

I will forever miss you Sue.
I will forever miss your cheekiness.
I will forever miss your laughter.
You will be forever loved, missed and remembered.

. Much Love All .

It’s tearing up.

It’s breaking down.

It’s broken.

Surrounded by ten thousand amazing people.

Oh, loneliness, you are my only true friend.

Always there no matter what.

Forever with me, forever in me.

I think I am right.

I thought I am well.

But the results say otherwise.

Is the world wrong and insane?

Or am I jus blinded by my foolishness and insanity is in me?

And the question existing,

Who am I living for?

. Much Love All .

(Currently Listening: Question Existing – Rihanna)

What do you do when you know someone dear to you is in a bad state?

How should you feel when you know that she might not wake up the next day?

What can you do when you are ten thousand miles away from her?

How should you take it when she’s so dear to you?

Tell me.

How should I feel when I’m supposed to see her in November and travel wit her and now I will be goin over to see her for the last time, IF I make it in time.

Something absolutely devastating has happened.

I will be leavin to London tmrw.

Will not be updating anytime soon.

Sry to my dear frens tat I won’t be able to post any new pics tat I owe you guys for the mean time. Hope you guys will understand.

If you are kind enough, pls pray for her.

. Much Love All.